-i solen med ständig skugga över ögonen

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Plats: Luleå, Norrbotten, Sweden

Jag är en flicka som bor i ett träsk i norra sverige. Jag är en flicka som gillar att synas, men inte att höras. Jag är en flicka som drömmer om att jobba som journalist i världen nånstans. Kina kanske?

juli 05, 2007

Mina problem fortsätter! Nu har jag lagt upp en ny historia på TDP och den gick faktiskt att få upp, men nu ser jag att någon har (helt orättvist) bara gett den en stjärna!! Och för att inte tala om betyget, ett "R"! Det vrkar ju som om min historia är värsta porren! Vilket den inte är!
Här är bildbeviset! Gud vad arg jag blir...

Bara för att bevisa att det jag har skrivit är konst så ska jag lägga upp den här och så kan alla komentera den och säga hur bra den egentligen är! För fegisen som satte den som "R" och gav den 1 stjärna lämnade inte någon komentar och alltså kan jag inte se vem det var, men jag ska nog hitta den... *elakt skratt* Här kommer den i alla fall. Och bara för att 2 av 2 historier som jag lagt upp här är om homosexuella relaitioner så ska du inte tro att du vet något!

Love is the cause of everything

It was raining outside and Timy cryed as he woke up, hating the weather for hating him.
He had just had a scary dream about a monster hunting him through a labyrinth and when the monster had catched him it had turned into his math teatcher. The teatcher had raped hin and when the pain was on its climax and he started to bleed he had finally woke up, still his heart beated fast in his chest.
His fingers followed the conture of his bedside table til he found the knob to the drawer, he put his hand into the drawer ant took out three things; a notebook, a pencil and a little box with a razor in it...
He started to wrigth down the dream and the tears ran faster down his cheeks as he relived it. He felt how he ran, how he got more and more tired, how the big hands of the monster captured him, felt how his teacher...
After he had wrote down everything he focused on the little box in front of him.
He felt cold steel against his tight, pale and so warm skin, saw how his own inside colored his white skin red... He fell back on the bed and the pressure that had threatened to suffocate his heart got released, he cried soft quiet tears.

The alarm clock rang and he got up from the bed, washed away the red from his arm and got dressed. It was going to be his first day in his new school and he was scared.
Scared for everything, for his new teatchers and the new students, but he was glad to get away from his old hell...
He lived so near the new school that it just took five minutes to walk there, he hardly finnished his tea before he walked out throug the door.
He stood on the school yard, looking up on the big building that looked so thretening, looked around himself. There was alot of girls and guys around him, saying hi to there friends and laughin.
He lowered his head and went inside the school to get away from everybody, it didn't work. It was almost even more kids inside and nobody noticed him as he went through the corridor.
A boy came scating through the corridor, looking at him with a supriced look on his face.
He stoped infront of Timy adn smiled a curious smile.
"Hi, I'm Emil", the boy said and shaked Timys hand. "Who are you?"
Timy looked shyley at Emil, there was actually someone that saw him! That had never happened before...
"My name is Timy..." He mumbeled.
Then something that just couldnt happen happened; his stomache made ann empty sound calling for attention, wanted food!
"Woah, you're really hungry", Emil laughed and timy blushed, wanted to get out of the situation. Emils laught wasn't really evil or mean, but it made Timy feel so left out that he just whised that he were somewere else... At a café maybe.
Emil looked at timy andd saw that he hade embarassed the new student so he gave a nice smile and continued;
"If this wern't your first day at this school I should had asked you to skipp the first clas and take you somewere to eat...What about second clas?"
Timy just looked at Emil, didn't knew what to say and, unlucky enough, Emil took that as an agrement.
"Outside the main entrance in an hour, see you there!" He said and skated away.
Timy looked after his new friend, what had just happened? Had he really agread to skip clas his first day at his new school?! With a guy that he hardly knew, his parents would be so angry... But thinking that made his mind go carzy, was he really going to do it? Yes, he would. He hadn't had a friend sence he was eigth years old, now he was 16, it was about time to get some friends... His mother would like that, her biggest concern was that he was lonley anyway.
The schoolbell rang and he quickley finded his clasroom.
After the first lesson, math to Timys big horror, he stood out on the school yard, waiting for his first friend in years... But he was late and after almost 15 minuteshe was going to give up and accept that nobody would ever like him, when Emil and two other boys came running.
"I'm so sorry, these two wouldn't let me away til I told them who I was gonna meet and when I had done that they incisted to escort me to you", Emil said and smiled towards Timy and Timys hert got warm, he wasn't fooling him after all!
"Hi, you must be the new kid! I'm Hansi and this is David, my bf", one of the boys (a blond one) said and pointed at the redhaired boy as he said the word "bf".
"Your name is Timy, right?" The boy called David said and shaked Timys hand. "We'll leav you for breakfast now, but don't be gone to long."
because of Timys lack of friends he had learned to studdy the way people acted to see what they meant and as David and Hansi went away to whatever class they had now, Hansi blinked knowing towards Emil who just smiled teasingly back. These small looks made Timy blush, what had he got himself into? What was Emil planing?
He hasty got back to the reallity when he felt a hand on his wrist, the scars hurted and he quickley pulled his arm against his chest.
"What happened?" Emil wondered and looked chocked on Timys arm, but then something purposeful glimed in his eyes and he draged Timy away from the school and when nobody could see them from the school windows he...
Timy looked away as Emil studdied the wounds on his arm, he was so ashamed but when something soft touched the marks he looked curios at Emil.
Emil was kissing the marks with his soft, warm and gentle lips, then he looked into timys eyes and whispered: "Come, lets go... But when we have ordered you have to tell me why, okay?"
Timy was so hypnotized by Emils caring eyes and gentle words that he just could nodd, witch he also did... Emil nodded back and then they went to the closest café, sat down opposite to eatchother and a waiter came to there table.
They ordered and then Timy told Emil, with blushing cheeks, about his dream and when he had finnished his storry Emil moved closer to him and huged him.

When the school was over Emil waited for Timy when he came out of the school building.
"HI", he said and huged Timy like he was a child that just finnished his first day at a school. "How are you?"
"Not mutch different from how I was two hours ago", Timy joked and puched himself out from the embrace, smiling towards Emil as he almost lost the balance. "What's up with you?"
"I just realised what wonderful person you are..." Emil laughed and put his arms around Timy again, who this time didn't protesed, just blushed and when Hansi and David came out through the big doors they whistled to their friend and what they thought was his new boyfriend.
"Looks like that breakfast went good", Hansi joked and looked meaningly at the two boy standing towards eatchother, the only thing was that Timy first didn't understood whar Hansi had meant, but when he did he just gave Emil a sad look before walking away."I'm so sorry, I didn't..." Hansi started, but got inturuped by Emil who smiled sadly.
"It's okay, you couldn't by any chanse know", He said and cast a quick look after Timy before turning towards his friends again. "But there is one way to make up for your mistake..."
Timy sat on his room, his parents wern't home and a note on the kitchen table told him that they wouldn't be home until around 03.00.
A little box was infront of him on the bed, but he hadn't opened it yet, he still thought.
What had the real reason been when Emil had wanted to take him for lunch, why couldn't he just hd wanted to be friends? Was Hansi and David just fooling with them, them maybe made all that about emils intentions up and now they thought that he was totaly lost for not understanding a simple joke! They would never talk to him again...
He opened the box and as his skin turned red the first tears since the morning came rolling down his cheeks. He cryed as more and more of his inside came out and when he couldn't do it anymore he got dizzy and nauseous. He tryed to stand up and it went good, but he felt that he had to throw up and tryed to get to the toilet he got even more dizzy.
When he was on the top of the stairs everything turned black.
Emil was just about to go up to the front door to Timys house when he heard something big fall and a crash, without thinking of anything he tryed to open the door but it was locked. He knocked on the door and rang on the doorbell, screamed after Timy, but no answer.
He ran to a window and tryed to get a view of the hall, but the curtains was in the way so he went out on the street and founded a big stone.
"I'm sorry", he mumbeled and the he throwed it at the window, witch crashed into thousands of small pices.
What he saw when he entered the hall through the brokend window was scaring him to death, Timy was on the floor nad it looked like he had felt down the high stair and now he was bleeding from his head and from new cuts on his arm.
He ran up to Timy, but didn't dared to touch him. Instead he called Timys name several times before he got any reaction. Timy made a low sound and Emil grabed his mobile to call for help.
"Timy stay with me, pleas, don't leave me!" He said to the boy on the floor and finaly someone picked up on the other line.

Timy opened his eyes, but couldn't see a thing. He have had a strange dream about falling and Emil kissing him, he had even liked it, but now he was awake...
He closed his eyes quick and tryed to open them again, nothing happened and he made a low sound that drag some attention.
"He is awake!"
That just coldn't be anyone else than Emil, he had dreamt aabout that voice , but no matter how mutch he tryed he couldnt see the owner to the voice.
"Timy, close your eyes", Emil mumbeled in his ear. "Your parents are on their way, they have been in the cafeteria but are on their way now... Please close your eyes."
Timy did as he was told and opened his mouth insteda to try to talk, but he ws to dry in his throat to make otehr then ununderstandable noice.
"Let me give you some water", Emil vhispered and Timy opened his mouth.
After a while he could talk and he could also hear his parents voices and another mans voice that he didn't recognised, but the only voice he wanted to hear right now was Emils.
"Emil, what have happened to me? Were am I?" He asked and there was a long paus until Emil finally told him everything.
He was in a hospital right now andhad been uncontious for three weeks, he had fainted by bloodlost and felt down the stairs, he had hitted his heas so bad on the way down that tghe doctors wasn't sure thart he would get his sight back in a long time, if ever.
Then tears rolled down his face, just like the last thing he remembered and he felt soft lips against his own. Not taking, but giving and supportly.

Emil had got half his sight back in five more weeks and Emil almost hadn't left him alone for more than an hour when he had to shower, every now and then.
He could see with his right eye and on the other eye he had an eyepatch, now he was on his way to his school hand in hand with Emil and he was a little scared about how everybody would take this comeback.
When they entered the school yard there was an enormous anticlimax, nobody noticed them ecsept a few and they were friends with Emil, but the mild welcomeing didn't really bother Timy. He liked that nobody noticed him, like it always had been.
"Well, looks like nobody has been missing you..." Emil joked and Timy smiled big to his boyfriend.
"But ofcourse, I ws just on this school for one day before everything happened", Timy answered and got kissed bye Emil.
"If nobody else will welcome you back, then I will", Emil said and stood up on the stairs infront of the big entrance. "Welcome back, beauty!" Then he gave Timy his hand and draged him close to himself.
"I love you."

the end

Som snabbfakta om historien så publcerade jag den inte föränns halv fem på morgonen för att jag satt och skrev på den! Så jag somnade ionte föränns halv 6.
Nu ska jag till doktorn och kålla en knöl i halsen och ettpar utslar i mina händer, c ya!
Och glöm inte att komentera!

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juli 03, 2007

Hej, jag försökte just lägga till en historia på mitt account på TDP, men av någon anledning så acsepterades den inte. Jag undrar hur den kan bryta mot några regler, så jag tänker publicera den här istället och om någon kommer på varför jag inte frå publicera den så kan jag ju få veta det...

Ellie woke up a sunny morning and looked out through the window. Behind her was her unmade bed emty as always and she just couldn't think of another way to her life to be.

She heard a sound that told her that her parents had woke up and that her father soon would come to wake her up, and sha hated it! Sh hated her parents with a passion as strong as her passion to paint. They had always hated her passion for art and they wanted her to become a doctor instead, well not her mother but she never stood up against her father.
She quick got dressed and sneaked down the stairs to the kitchen, it was empty. Quick she tok a sandwitch from the fridge that she had prepared the night before and then she quietley got out through the door.

While she was walking down the street with music in her ears she looked down in the street and didn't saw the girl coming running until it was to late and they run into eatchother.
"Shit, are you okay?" The girl asked and quickley stood up, gave ellie her hand to help her up.
Ellie just looked at the girls hand with confused look all over her face. Then she came to think of rthat the singer from Something Corporate still sang in her head and she quick took out the headphones from her ears.
"I'm s-sorry, I should had ceapt out of your way", Ellie mumbled and stood up without taking the girls hand. "I hope that you didn't got hurt or something..."
"Its okay, how are you?" The girl asked and tryed to get eyecontact with Elie wh just ceapt avoiding her eyes.
"Fine", Ellie said and looked shyley quick up in the other girls eyes, before she turnd away and blushed.
Another thing that her parents hated, she had never been dating any boy and they had started to suspect what she always had knew, she just didn't like boys. Sha liked girls and the girl infront of her was beautiful, she was amasing.
"I'm Sarah", the girl said gave Ellie the bigest smile. "Whats your name?"
"My parent have a café just around the corner, let me invite you to breakfast", she said smiling and started to lead Ellie to from where she had been running.
"N-no, I have breakfast with me and..." Ellie tryed but got inturuped.
"No you don't, When I ran into you you dropped it out on the road, I'm sorry", Sarah said and pointed on the squashed sandwitch out in the trafic.
Ellie let Sarah lead her to a café in french 18 sentury style and sat her down in a nice armchair under a parasol.
"What do you want to eat?" She asked and sat down on the other side of the round table.
"I d-don't konw..."
"Well, what about a baguette with strawberry jam and a cup of black coffee or hot chocolate?" Sarah asked and before Ellie could say anything a waiter came to the table and Sarah started to talk quick french to him.
After a while he noded and went away and Sarah turned back to Ellie and smiled warmly.
"Its on the house."

When the school day was over Ellie went to the mall and when she went out from a record store she saw in a café that Sarah sat with another girl and she loked upset. Ellie hided behind a big potted plant and looked at them.
It looked like the girl gave Sarah bad news because Sarah stood up and slaped the girl before going away from the café and right towards where Ellie hided.
Ellie had just time to turn away from the scene before Sarah got her eyes on her.
"Hi", she said and smiled towards Ellie, but the tears in her face showed that sha was upset.
"H-hi, what have happened?" Ellie asked and before she knew it Sarah huged her.
"Can we go somewhere?" She asked.
They sat down on another café and Sarah told Ellie all about her ex-girlfriend and how she had dumped her for a guy.

Ellie was nervous when she and Sarah went up to the door to her own home, they was going to tell her parents about their relationship and when Sarah hade rang on the doorbell there was no turning back.
Both her mother and her father stood in the door, he looked at them with disguts, he looked at their hand. She had known that holding hands would be to mutch for him, but Sarah had insisted.
Ellie looked at her mother, she was crying and Ellie knew that when they had walked away her father would take out his anger on her mother, she hoped that he wouldn't hurt her like he always did...
"Hi Mr and Mrs Davis, I'm Sarah Decorte..." Sarah begun but this time it was Ellie who inturuped her.
"This is my girlfriend", she looked at her father adr his face turned red as he became more and more angry.
"You... You! You never come back to my house!! Go!" He screamed so high that the neighbours woke up and lights was turned on in the houses around.
Then he slamed the door in their face.
After a while the door was opened and her mother was standing there.
"How could you do this to us, to your father? You know that we don't accept this sort of behavour", she said with her always so sad voice and eyes. "Wright down where I should send your stuff and don't ever come back to this house, is that understood?"
Ellie nodded and wrote down Sarahs addres but before her mom had time to close the door Sarah put a foot in the way.
"How dare you to do this?" She asked angrily. "Ellie is your own daughter, your only daughter, dosn't she means anythig for you?"
Ellie looked at her mother and her mother looked at her, then she turned back to Sarah and smiled a hurtful smile.
"I don't have a daughter, not anymore."

the end

Sidan jag försökte lägga upp den på heter:
Och här är mitt account:

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